Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
