I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
