Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
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