kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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