You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
