I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
