Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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