My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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