oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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