I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
