yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
