It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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