oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
