So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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