a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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