I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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