im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
