Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
