Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
