I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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