I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
