nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
