If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
