my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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