I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize