can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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