i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
