actually, I'm a sock model
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
