I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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