She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize