so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
