I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Mom said you looked used
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
