1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
