i think my tv is drunk
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize