she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
