i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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