We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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