ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
