somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
