I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
