dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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