Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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