I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize