I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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