You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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