im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
