I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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