oh god the rape fog is back!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
