I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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