just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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