my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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