am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
