im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He? As in you personified your dick?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
