Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize