Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
so much tequila, so little girl.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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