Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
