Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
