You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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