ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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