jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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