I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
