So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize