apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
