She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
