the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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