I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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