I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
