Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
